Are you big?
Did your child use you at show and tell for a scale model of The Hindenburg?
When the waiter hands you a menu, do you say, “OK”?
Do children sell shade when you go to the beach?
Did Greenpeace try to put you back into the water that same day?
Let’s face it: are you a fucking fat-ass?
Then there’s hope for you yet!
EWOT PRODUCTS IS PROUD TO PRESENT:
DANCE210’S CRASH DIET SUPPLEMET
Now you too can shed a few metric tons and almost resemble the typical human being! We’ve worked closely (and brother, that is NOT something we enjoyed) with Dance210 (aka Melinda Heilman) to develop this special formula that sheds pounds hand over fist…or chin over chin if you know what we mean.
With just 3 doses of two pills daily, in just a few years you can totally change your look!
Don’t think so? Well let’s look at some time lapse photography of our research project, Dance210:
Yes, folks, we know it’s not Ivanka Trump, but hey…considering where we started, it’s a win.
OK…so it’s not a win, it’s a draw.
OK…so it’s not a draw, it’s a slight disappointment…but come on! You gotta admit it’s an improvement.
OK…not an improvement, but a sideways move in the realm of presentation.
Let’s just leave it there.
Results not typical. You should not expect these results. The reason you shouldn’t expect these results is there’s essentially no product. It’s simply talc pills you take and run your fat ass off on a treadmill 9 hours per day. Seriously. Get your ass moving and stop stuffing your fucking face with 3 Big Mac’s, two jumbo fries and a milk shake at lunch every single fucking day!