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Rita Sobral’s De-Funk-A-Fying Cream

Do you have personal hygiene issues?

Do you constantly have that “not so fresh” feeling about your person?

Do varying types of bugs call your crotch home?

Are you sexually active?

Have you slept with every Tom, Dick and Harry and Wolfgang and Dieter and Serge, and Nigel, and Fernando and Paul,  west of the Danube River?

Do you swim out to meet battleships?

Let’s face it: Are you a skank?

Well, folks, thanks to EWOT Products, there is hope!



That’s right, folks! Now YOU TOO can enjoy being almost like a regular human being again!

We’ve worked closely with the United States Military Germ Warfare Department, the Center for Disease Control and the Johns Hopkins University Hospital to produce this one-of-a-kind cream.

With a daily regimen of just 10 applications, in less than a year you too will:

  • Not smell like cookie dough gone sour
  • Not be constantly bothered by the migration of millions of lice
  • Be able to keep a straight face when telling that guy, “yes, I’m clean!”

And much, much more! Bring those embarrassing moments of, “I can’t…it’s that time of the molting season” excuses to an end forever with Rita Sobral’s De-funk-a-fying Cream!

Results not typical. You should not expect these results unless accompanied by treatments of scorched earth policy. Not responsible for burns contracted by scorched earth policy. For more information about scorched earth policy, contact the United States Air Force, Napalm division in Sarasota, Florida.

This Post Has 18 Comments


    This is the best one. Hits it on the spot. And best one word describing her SKANK.
    Thanks for the early morning chuckle.

  2. Thing 1

    You’re welcome!

  3. Insurrectional_Leftist

    I know the worlds fleets of Naval Vessels which dock periodically there in the British Isles will be great full. Many ships doctors will appreciate the help. 🙂

  4. Insurrectional_Leftist

    And if you order now, you’ll receive 5% discount on your order, and we’ll ship Rita a bulk shipment, rapid overnight express freight!

  5. Gomez_Adams

    This is just so bad…sooooooo bad. LMAO!

  6. Thing 1

    So bad it’s good. LMMFAO!!!

  7. Mr_Alex


  8. Beornotns

    So… Late to the party here, is THAT why Jingles and her broke off their engagement?

  9. Icon_Charlie

    Wait a minute… you are telling me those two were a serious item? 0.o

  10. Insurrectional_Leftist

    I always thought Jingles and Rita were on? 😀 No, seriously I kid. I know they stay together in the same house is all I know? I don’t know what the deal is? So, I speak from the lack of knowledge to some extent. I had heard of an engagement. I have heard a lot of things from her, herself on the forums etc. She said she was Bi-Sexual and appreciated women and men. I don’t know if that had anything to do with the engagement being off or not? I don’t know? I’m not attacking the fact if she is BI-sexual or not. If she is then she is. Why her engagement is off with Jingles is off I have no idea? So many mixed signals as to why, or stories have been endless 🙂

  11. Icon_Charlie

    Thank you for the info and you are right on how information suddenly just takes off on things.

  12. Thing 1

    The bitch sucked his fat ass dry and then moved on. That’s really all she is: a whore that fucks anybody and everybody so they’ll let her mooch off them. Why do you think she did this shit video and then started gaming on more than ever, cooking all kinds of expensive food and went on a fucking vacation?

  13. Gomez_Adams

    Actually T1, at this stage of the game, she has a much larger butt than Jingles does. I’m serious. She has put on at least 40 pounds.

  14. Beornotns

    So from October 24th 2016 until March 11th 2017. They were engaged less than 6 months.
    2 years together, but…

    Anyway, so, yeah, that was a thing.

  15. Thing 1

    She just used his ass. That’s all there is to it. She never had any intention at all of marrying his dumb ass. That’s how whores roll.

    The funny part is that now she’s making boo-hoo videos crying for money. She so fucking stupid it’s laughable. She SHOULD have married his dumb ass, then kept on fucking everybody like she was doing anyway. At least then she could have taken a few bucks with her when he divorced her.

    As it stands now she’s in deep shit. Her ass is bigger than the rest of her entire fucking body, she’s getting older, and running out of people willing to fuck her for money. Give it a few more years, and we’ll read about her being found dead of a heroine overdose in the back alley of a seedy section of town in southwest Philadelphia.

  16. Beornotns

    Hey Thing 1, how the hell is she getting from the South of England to Southwest Philly?

  17. Thing 1

    Well, I figure she’s pretty much already fucked everybody on that side of the Atlantic, so it’s inevitable she’ll wind up over here.

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